Choosing Thanksgiving

I’m just finished the woman’s Bible study on Wed mornings at church. It is by James MacDonald called “Lord, Change my Attitude.” I have some attitude problems like everyone else, but this study really showed the gravity of my errors. It is the month of the Thanksgiving holiday, to give thanks. And that is one attitude that I realized I needed major help on. My attitude was one of complaining, and since this study I realized that complaining is not a harmless venting of feelings but something that makes God angry and is a sin. Ouch! James MacDonald defined complaining as “to express dissatisfaction with a circumstance which is not wrong and about which I am doing nothing myself to correct.” If I put that definition to my complaining about the slow driver in front of me, the little husband annoyances, my housing situation, etc. I am convicted.

In Numbers 11, God tells the story of Moses and the Israelites who were out in the wilderness because of their complaining. Over and over the Israelites complained about everything, and the consequences were severe, even death. Granted, a pillar of fire isn’t going to consume me for complaining…I hope. But I really don’t want that attitude making me an unhappy person and negatively affecting my relationship with God.
But there is hope and a way of combating our tendencies to complain. The answer is gratitude and thankfulness to God. First you have to decide, like so many things in the Christian life. Sitting around waiting for spiritual things to happen to you isn’t going to work. It takes decisions and actions. Decide to have a thankful attitude and back up that decision by reading the Bible. God’s word gives us the reasons for us to be thankful. Our relationship with God is strengthened and God gives us the strength to help us act gratefully.

Even if you do not feel thankful, you can choose to thank God for all the many wonderful things He has done and will do. Make a thankful list of these four things:
1. Things to be thankful for,
2. People I appreciate,
3. Spiritual blessing,
4. Everything else.

Review the list a couple of times a day. You can also make this a family activity and get everyone involved in reminding ourselves of our blessings.

This website also has some great thankful activities:
http://www.squidoo.com/thankfulhearts

Toddler Times

Raphael is utilizing his fork while eating much better the last couple of days. He is still yammering alot in his own language with the occasional English word thrown in. He is quite the handful, fully exercising his "twoness." So there are frequent "Time outs" for climbing on the outside of the stairwell and climbing on the tables!

But man, he is the cutest! I'm biased, since well, I'm his mom. But so many people have stopped and remarked how cute he is. He is such a charmer as well. Occasionally he give the "whattu talking about Willis?" look to people. And that just cracks me up more.

I'm still involved in my various moms groups and activities, which I feel keep me sane with adult conversations, but also yields adult drama. Oh life. It is challenging in so many ways. But I'm growing and learning. So I can't ask for more. (maybe a winning lottery ticket, but I think God is sick of that one!)

The picture above is a recent nap time where Raffi appeared to be kissing his dream girl. Ha ha. And below he is goofing around at a recent Mom's Group Playdate. Suck a cutie!

June Month in Review

June was a major event month and in true fashion I didn't blog about it. So my critics have reminded me!

So in review:
Raffi and I went Strawberry Picking at a farm. He did really good, actually picking the berries, (not eating them like the other kids in our playgroup were doing) and putting them in the box. I was so impressed. He got plenty muddy and I ate pie, so it was good times for all!

Raffi had his first professional haircut. We went to one of those kid places where you sit in a car. He was fine in the car like seat, until the lady put the smock on him. Then the crying and anger began. I had to assist in holding him to get the haircut finished, but he is a trooper and the hairstylist was fast, so it all worked out in the end. He looked so handsome and like such a big boy. I loved his haircut; his father - not so much.

We had a 2nd Birthday Party for Raffi with some work friends on June 13th. The party went well and Raffi was full of high energy and seemed to even be embarrassed when we sang Happy Birthday to him.


Raffi and I also went for a trip to So. Cal to visit family. We had a good time and had another birthday party where Raffi demonstrated his John Daly impression. Funny Boy.


Raffi is saying an additional 5 or more words. His babbling is getting more and more distinct. I'm so surprised he is not fully talking yet. He always seems like he right on the cusp. His motor skills are excellent and he is just crazy anyplace he goes. He loves to climb, go on the big slides at parks, and loves to dance to any good music.

We also started going to a local amusement park for preschoolers. Raffi loves the train and the carosel. It is fun to enjoy it with him, I can't wait to take him to Disneyland.

Raffi had his "2" year Child Wellness Doctor appointment. He is about 23 pounds and 33 inches tall. It was good news because his weight percentages went up (prior appointment it had decreased and gone off the chart.) So this was great! His ears look good and he was in overall good health. And no shots, so that was the best part of all. I swear he grew a whole inch in the month of June. He just seemed to sprout into a boy on his 2nd birthday!

On a personal note for me. I feel like the last couple months have been more peaceful, including feelings of contempment. As always there was instances of challenging circumstances and events. I am confident that God is with me and He can use even the suckiest situations for his Glory! Amen.

The light at the end of the tunnel.

That last blog has been nagging at me, a dark cloud hanging in written word and all I needed to do was write another post. And I couldn't do it. I really had a bad day. I felt much better the next day. Today, I finally got the dishes and kitchen clean; the house had mirrored my mood this week. It has been a disaster. It was good to do a little cleaning, very cathartic.

In movie, Finding Demo, Dory the fish was singing "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." That sort of rings in my ears but I replace it with "just keep living, just keep praying" and so forth. It is a nice little tune. Raffi's ears are going to get "fixed" and that is a big relief. I hope it helps him stay healthier and increases his developmentally. Oh, and that reminds me of some good news.

Raffi began to feed himself with a spoon on Monday. It was really messy and progressively has gotten better as the week has gone on. It is mainly with oatmeal, it is sticky and a good start for him. We also stopped feeding him baby food. We lasted longer with it than others I believe because we wanted him to eat and he was finicky on a lot of textures. Raffi's broadening his horizons on that front. Besides his stable of pineapple, he has eaten some tangelos and other fruit. I need to work harder on the vegetables. I haven't figured out the way to prepare them that he will eat them. I guess that is the mom's mantra for now on "eat your veges."

I know my family and friends who read this blog are praying for me and I say thank you.

Drip, Drip...

I'm beaten down. It is just that plain and simple. I can admit it, I'm not afraid of looking weak. I sometimes talk a good game of being strong, but really life is hard, difficult and frequently blah. No, I don't have cancer, nor is my home getting foreclosed. Yes, I'm probably being over dramatic, but it is the way I feel. It is like chinese water torture, the constant drip drip of life's annoyances, difficulties and struggles. So now that you are feeling totally down as you read this. I'll just leave you. Nah. No, not yet.

One of my favorite verses is a Psalm which I always forget which number since there are like over a hundred of them. And it is Psalm 61:2 "From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Yes that is me, crying from the end of the earth to God to pull me to His Rock. Save me! I'm wallowing in my own self pity and mired in a sea of conflicts and emotional baggage. What in goodness name has set me off like this, you might ask? Well, I was in a minor rear end traffic accident. I was rear ended on the way to take my little Raffe man to see his doctor. Side note: He has another cold and of course another ear infection. Thank God, we are seeing the ENT this Thursday. End Note.

So it was a little bumper. My neck and shoulders are a bit sore and stiff and I did go see a doctor this morning, just to check it out. But really, I'm fine. But today, I think the heaviest damage is felt in my soul. I just feel beaten down. So I'm publicly saying, Lord, please help me. Please help me in the inside. In the internal workings of my mind in which even talking to dear mom can't resolve.

I apologize, I was hoping I would have some really uplifting end part to this entry, but it ain't going to happen today. I know it will happen.

Walking before the Storm

This morning, Raffi and I went for a quick 20 minute stroller hike to our favorite spot. It was raining a bit before we got there, but was a bit sunnier than the picture of the oak tree suggests. Raffi was interested in the rushing stream, the sound of it grabbed his attention.The scenery was beautiful and I delighted in God's creation. I love the drama in the sky when a storm is approaching. It is just amazing. I can say that I don't like the drama in my life when a storm is approaching, here or on the way out. I'm in a stormy spot at the moment, but I'm not sure what time frame I'm in. Surprisingly, I have joy. Which has been lacking for awhile. I know how easily that joy can dissipate from the simplest annoyance. I'm praying ever more fervently, trying to practice spiritual breathing. So that I live every second for God.

One for the Books

I don't know if this was the most humbling moment of my life, but it has to rank pretty high up there. I saw a townhome in our complex up for sale and so checked out how much it was selling for. I already knew we had lost half of our equity the last time I checked, but wasn't prepared for what I saw. We not only lost all of our equity but our now in the hole several tens of thousands. We have been hoping to move in a year or so to get a single family house. This didn't look good; it looked horrible.

I felt the ground drop from under me, even though I was comfortably reclining in my lazyboy with Raffi on my lap. That feeling of weightless panic rose up my body and back down again like a tsunami. Some part of me, I'm not sure if it was my mind, heart or soul said to look to God or we'll all freak out. I prayed right away. It was short and I don't remember it exactly, but it was close to "HELP."

It really shows how much I live my life relying on myself and the constructs of control that I utilize to make myself feel secure.

So I breathed and gave my child a kiss. I now realize we are so blessed that my husband has a stable job, we can afford our house payment, with our tax refund we will pay off our credit card bills and we are learning to live within our means. When I think about these things, I feel like celebrating.

I sometimes wish that God would protect me from all bad things, but I know that is not possible. This world is so broken and I just can't wait for Heaven. I've been singing Amazing Grace to my son recently. I had to look up the lyrics online because I only knew the first verse. I love this part; it reminds me of what is really important and yet to come:

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

Verse on my mind

Isaiah 55:2

2 Why do you spend money for what is not bread,
And your wages for what does not satisfy?
Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good,
And let your soul delight itself in abundance.



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Walking and Sleeping (sort of)

My little man is so on a mission. He is walking up a storm. At night, he should be winding down, but no he is doing laps around our living room. Laughing while he walks and cruises away. I have yet to post the video from his bday cake eating and now I have a walking video to add to my "To Post" List. Please forgive me for my tardiness; I'll blame the summer, that is convenient.

Raffi’s sleep schedule is in flux at the moment. I worry about how to go about getting him to sleep, weaning, bed situation, etc. It does take up alot of my energy. I don’t know what to do. He only nurses to sleep, and occasionally will roll over still awake at bedtime and fall asleep on his own. But when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he is in a state of distress and will wake up completely (and usually for an hour, if I don’t nurse him right away.) So here is my prayer:

Lord, please forgive me for taking back this worry and “working” on it. I know I don’t work on it very well and I need to leave it with you. I give it back to you right now. Lord, you are in control. I only need to trust you. Babies and toddlers have been going to sleep for thousands of years by your design before their was 50 different sleep books and baby whispers. Lord, help me to rely and trust in You.

Faithfulness

God is faithful. My mother and I are reading The Women's Devotional Guide to the Bible by Jean Syswerda, which goes through main passages/topics of the bible in a weekly format. During the stories of Moses and God's deliverance of the Israeli people, I commented how it truly shows God's faithfulness as did the week before that. My mom wisely replied that the whole bible is a testament to God's faithfulness. So true. It made me think about what a basic concept the bible is. Of course there is so much more. I tell this as back story to the next story I'm going to relate.

God is faithful. I have to repeat it again and again. Because even though I know it to be true, I forget. Even though I have hundreds of examples in the bible and thousands of non-fiction and personal stories out in the world today and in the past to remind me. I forget and focus on my problems and I worry. But God is truly amazing, He forgives my flippancy and reminds and blesses me.

Just a couple of days ago, I was reviewing our finances and our bills. We have been spending more than we are taking in, some things necessary, some unnecessary. The change to one income has been challenging. But anyways. So here I am whining to my husband about our bills and how we will have to dip into our savings again. (I also must put a disclaimer that I know that we are well to do financially and have so much that so many others do not, but as my husband says, I'm just a miser.) Than the next day, our taxes were completed by our tax people and we are getting back a large amount. Thank you tax deduction Raffi! woo hoo! So I stopped and thanked the Lord. Thank You for providing for our family and thank You for so reminding me that You are faithful.