Drip, Drip...

I'm beaten down. It is just that plain and simple. I can admit it, I'm not afraid of looking weak. I sometimes talk a good game of being strong, but really life is hard, difficult and frequently blah. No, I don't have cancer, nor is my home getting foreclosed. Yes, I'm probably being over dramatic, but it is the way I feel. It is like chinese water torture, the constant drip drip of life's annoyances, difficulties and struggles. So now that you are feeling totally down as you read this. I'll just leave you. Nah. No, not yet.

One of my favorite verses is a Psalm which I always forget which number since there are like over a hundred of them. And it is Psalm 61:2 "From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Yes that is me, crying from the end of the earth to God to pull me to His Rock. Save me! I'm wallowing in my own self pity and mired in a sea of conflicts and emotional baggage. What in goodness name has set me off like this, you might ask? Well, I was in a minor rear end traffic accident. I was rear ended on the way to take my little Raffe man to see his doctor. Side note: He has another cold and of course another ear infection. Thank God, we are seeing the ENT this Thursday. End Note.

So it was a little bumper. My neck and shoulders are a bit sore and stiff and I did go see a doctor this morning, just to check it out. But really, I'm fine. But today, I think the heaviest damage is felt in my soul. I just feel beaten down. So I'm publicly saying, Lord, please help me. Please help me in the inside. In the internal workings of my mind in which even talking to dear mom can't resolve.

I apologize, I was hoping I would have some really uplifting end part to this entry, but it ain't going to happen today. I know it will happen.

Motherhood

Here is a picture from our trip to the community farm. Raffi is sharing some dirt with one of his toddler friends.




Some random thoughts of the last couple of days:

The lows and highs of mothering are interesting. There is the face we where at playdates and social occasions that we are all the best super moms and then you get home and are just exhausted. A couple of nights ago, Raffi was whining for over an hour and not going to sleep. Exhausted and fed up, I just felt like jumping out the window. He did finally go to sleep and so did I.

And then on the other hand, I love the moment when I pick him up and he wraps his arms around my neck. The times he runs towards me when I'm sitting on the floor and tackles me. He always has the greatest grin on his face.

Commercials

Those darn commercials for ancestry.com make me want to join and track down my ancestors. And then I come to my senses...I don't have time to track down dead people with my DNA.! I just don't.

And those McNugget commercials from MacDonald's. Argh. I've already loved those fried chicken pieces since I was a kid. But those commercials just call to me. And I'm trying to watch what I eat.

Ummm.... Christmas.. what Christmas.

Vacation Hangover

I hate vacation hangovers. The days after our return, I felt angry, frustrated and frequently took it out on the husband, (sorry honey.) To top it off, Raffi's #7 tooth is coming in, so his moods and sleep are erratic. So it hasn't been the cherriest of days lately.

The vacation is over and that means my return to home is a return to motherhood that at times lately feels like it is choking me out. This month, I would of had ten years of service at my former job if I was still working. And the ongoing political happenings remind me of happy times at work; Traveling carefree, hanging out with the guys, doing a job I thought was important. Of course, my memory glosses over the 12 hours of standing, rarely being home, stress upon stress, and many other hardships that I complained about so frequently while I was working.

So a little nostalgia and the fact that I can't go out after 6pm, because I have to put down Raffi, makes for a little bit of stir crazy Darcy. This too will pass, I know.

Hello from Seattle!

We are currently in Seattle this week. Hubbie had a work conference, so we tagged along. Needless to say, Raffi and I are having more fun than he is.

Our trip started this past Sunday as we flew from SFO to Seattle. Of course, as airlines go, stuff happens. We left our house at around 1pm for a 4:15p flight. Checking in and security was a little sweaty but a breeze. As we got to our gate, there was a notice that their was a delay of an hour. So we finally boarded the plane sometime after 5pm. And I could see some workers in the cockpit. Not a good sign. The captain announces that their is some mechanical minutia that needs to be fixed. We wait. and wait. Then they say it is going to be some time, so they let us off the plane to wait at the gate. Which was a godsend with Raffi. He just loved to run around the airport. Such wide open spaces, he would just giggle and run! I hope to get video of it on the way back. So finally, the mechanical things were "fixed" or whatever and we were off. We got to our hotel room at 10:50pm. Luckily, right in time to order room service before it closed.

So flying with a toddler. Just flying in general is not my favorite thing to do. Raffi did pretty good. He got fussy, here and there, but overall he was a champ!

So far this week, Raffe and I ate are way through Pike Place Market, shopped, went to the art museum, aquarium, and then back to the Pike Place Market for more food. Well, I guess I ate the most, but Raffi did try some new foods. I have been pigging out. Some good stuff.

I've made some observations about traveling with a kid, as well. You find all the elevators and you pick restaurants based on whether they have a high chair, etc. Most people either have/had their own kids, so they understand or they are nice about it. And then their are other people that just don't get it.



One worker at the art museum treated me like I was an idiot. I know my brain isn't what it used to be (and you know it wasn't much before anyway) but just because I look tired and carrying enough loads to pack a mule, and my child might get fussy and ruin your ambiance, doesn't give you the chops to treat me like an idiot. Ok, that was my rant about that.

Corn Syrup Conspriacies et al.

I am viciously anti-corn syrup at the moment. I still will eat foods and drinks that have it, but I get upset about it. If you have ever watched the X-files movie or a 60 minutes episode about corn in the United States. You can't help but get a little paranoid. It is out there and everywhere. Lets make nuclear material out of corn, why not? But corn syrup is sugar to the extreme. It just doesn't seem natural and most food/drink companies put it in their products without abandon. It is just wrong.

Ok, enough of that. And now for something more serious. ... Monkeys are evil. Non no.

Ok. really.

I submitted my first "filler" story article to a Christian magazine. It is around 300 words, so it is a short story. And today, I got my first rejection. I feel like a bona fide writer now. So on to the next magazine and keep submitting it until I'm blue in the face.