Drip, Drip...

I'm beaten down. It is just that plain and simple. I can admit it, I'm not afraid of looking weak. I sometimes talk a good game of being strong, but really life is hard, difficult and frequently blah. No, I don't have cancer, nor is my home getting foreclosed. Yes, I'm probably being over dramatic, but it is the way I feel. It is like chinese water torture, the constant drip drip of life's annoyances, difficulties and struggles. So now that you are feeling totally down as you read this. I'll just leave you. Nah. No, not yet.

One of my favorite verses is a Psalm which I always forget which number since there are like over a hundred of them. And it is Psalm 61:2 "From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Yes that is me, crying from the end of the earth to God to pull me to His Rock. Save me! I'm wallowing in my own self pity and mired in a sea of conflicts and emotional baggage. What in goodness name has set me off like this, you might ask? Well, I was in a minor rear end traffic accident. I was rear ended on the way to take my little Raffe man to see his doctor. Side note: He has another cold and of course another ear infection. Thank God, we are seeing the ENT this Thursday. End Note.

So it was a little bumper. My neck and shoulders are a bit sore and stiff and I did go see a doctor this morning, just to check it out. But really, I'm fine. But today, I think the heaviest damage is felt in my soul. I just feel beaten down. So I'm publicly saying, Lord, please help me. Please help me in the inside. In the internal workings of my mind in which even talking to dear mom can't resolve.

I apologize, I was hoping I would have some really uplifting end part to this entry, but it ain't going to happen today. I know it will happen.

Walking and Sleeping (sort of)

My little man is so on a mission. He is walking up a storm. At night, he should be winding down, but no he is doing laps around our living room. Laughing while he walks and cruises away. I have yet to post the video from his bday cake eating and now I have a walking video to add to my "To Post" List. Please forgive me for my tardiness; I'll blame the summer, that is convenient.

Raffi’s sleep schedule is in flux at the moment. I worry about how to go about getting him to sleep, weaning, bed situation, etc. It does take up alot of my energy. I don’t know what to do. He only nurses to sleep, and occasionally will roll over still awake at bedtime and fall asleep on his own. But when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he is in a state of distress and will wake up completely (and usually for an hour, if I don’t nurse him right away.) So here is my prayer:

Lord, please forgive me for taking back this worry and “working” on it. I know I don’t work on it very well and I need to leave it with you. I give it back to you right now. Lord, you are in control. I only need to trust you. Babies and toddlers have been going to sleep for thousands of years by your design before their was 50 different sleep books and baby whispers. Lord, help me to rely and trust in You.