small victory for mom

Attached picture is before this...

Tonight I actually did something I wanted to do as a mom, but haven't. When I was pregnant I had all these glorious visions of doing activities with my child and spending quality time with him. But so often that has not not happened. And when he gets too tired in the evening it is all too easy to turn on the television to try to mellow him out.

So tonight, I pulled out my toddler activity book, which I recently got to try to get me started. I know I'm late he is over 2 now, almost 2 1/2. Anyways...I went to an activity which I thought would be easy to do. Peanut Butter play dough, and its edible. Honey and dry milk and we are good to go. I actually held Raffi's attention for 30 minutes. I made a dog and a cat in the dough then we made balls and tossed them into a bowl and counted. And after the peanut butter dough was successfully in Raffi's hair, we did coloring with markers on his big coloring book.

It was wild and crazy fun! And kept his attention and let his dad get some work done. He still was a bit hyper after but at least he wasn't leaping off the window cill to the bean bag!

Toddler Times

Raphael is utilizing his fork while eating much better the last couple of days. He is still yammering alot in his own language with the occasional English word thrown in. He is quite the handful, fully exercising his "twoness." So there are frequent "Time outs" for climbing on the outside of the stairwell and climbing on the tables!

But man, he is the cutest! I'm biased, since well, I'm his mom. But so many people have stopped and remarked how cute he is. He is such a charmer as well. Occasionally he give the "whattu talking about Willis?" look to people. And that just cracks me up more.

I'm still involved in my various moms groups and activities, which I feel keep me sane with adult conversations, but also yields adult drama. Oh life. It is challenging in so many ways. But I'm growing and learning. So I can't ask for more. (maybe a winning lottery ticket, but I think God is sick of that one!)

The picture above is a recent nap time where Raffi appeared to be kissing his dream girl. Ha ha. And below he is goofing around at a recent Mom's Group Playdate. Suck a cutie!

Tales from the Land of Germs

Major news to report: Last week I stopped breastfeeding. Raffi was sick and unable to nurse and then really didn't want to, so he basically weaned himself. It is weird. After 19 months. I'm done. And for some that number will see big and others I won't hold a candle to.

Raffi's newest favorite activity is to grab whatever adult is sitting on the couch by the finger and lead them to the kitchen or the front door. Sometimes it seems for no reason at all, he'll just sit and talk to you. It is hilarious. My girlfriend, Julie, was over for the Super Bowl and he took her to the kitchen multiple times, so she had to hide her hands when he came by.

Some other new developmental feats: he points out Cat or Dog and says the word. He was sitting on my lap and the cat was across the room. I asked him where the cat is (without pointing the cat out) and he got up and walked over to the cat and sort of squatted near him. It was great.

And of course, he is still sick. And now both his parents are sick, and it is kicking our butts.

Motherhood

Here is a picture from our trip to the community farm. Raffi is sharing some dirt with one of his toddler friends.




Some random thoughts of the last couple of days:

The lows and highs of mothering are interesting. There is the face we where at playdates and social occasions that we are all the best super moms and then you get home and are just exhausted. A couple of nights ago, Raffi was whining for over an hour and not going to sleep. Exhausted and fed up, I just felt like jumping out the window. He did finally go to sleep and so did I.

And then on the other hand, I love the moment when I pick him up and he wraps his arms around my neck. The times he runs towards me when I'm sitting on the floor and tackles me. He always has the greatest grin on his face.

Catching Up.

Ok, what have I missed to talk about. The last two months, I've thought, oh that would be good to write about in my blog or that would be great. So still I have a blog written about not writing in my blog. I am probably not the only one with this problem. So back in it.

So to catch up & some xmas pics:

Christmas: Lots of fun. Visits with Family was a blast. Raffi didn't really care about xmas too much, I think next year he'll get it more.

Development: Raffi is chattering a bunch, mostly non-scensical. He can mimic tree, duck, fish, and other basics. He points and says "tis" for this and he says "see" when he wants me to pick him up so he can see what I'm doing in the kitchen. He is definitly understanding verbal direction more, whether he chooses to obey is another story. He responds to the no-nos, drop, lets go bye-bye, etc. It is wonderful to see him grow.
Raffi w/ Santa

When we were not traveling, we spent the time going to playdates with various moms groups, park visits, returning stuff at the mall, and hanging out.

I've started counting calories this January, coupled with a bout with the stomach flu I lost a bunch of weight! I have this great handy application on my Iphone where I keep track of my calories. I had no idea I was eating so much during the day. Those times in between meals snacking, really add up!

So I've been doing it for a couple of weeks and have increased my exercising (a bit, getting back into the stroller walks/hikes.)

So things are pretty normal crazy around here!

Lions and Tigers and Astronauts?

1. This past week: Raffi is sleeping through the night. (I nurse him to sleep and for a nap; so 2-3 times a 24 hour period.) Sometimes he does wake up at night, I rub his back and most of the time he goes right back to sleep.

2. Last Friday: I went out for my first mom's night out (after 7pm). It was the first time I'd been out without the baby past 7pm. It is weird driving in the dark. I don't do it that often. It was great. Doug was able to get Raffi down with no problem. Yeh!!!

3. Halloween was tons of fun. Raffi was an astronaut and looked super cute in his so professional looking costume. (Thanks for picking it out Sam!) We went to 2 Halloween playdates (One I dressed up as an Egyptian Mummy...from space) and did a little 10am trick or treating at a local little town main street. I'm looking forward to next year when it will be a little more interactive for him.

4. Mid October: Raffi and I went down to So. Cal for a visit with family and friends. It went well logisitically and Raffi had a great time. He started repeating words more often including: Thank You, Turtle, nite nite, fish, bye bye and other random words which he never repeats.

Got by me.

I've actually had lots to talk about the last couple of weeks. But I didn't.

I'll at least get in the noticeables for today. A pic at the park, he was having a great time in the swing. He also learned how to go down the slide staying seated up. Before he sort of fell back and slid on his back. He also seemed to get the rocking horse.

So to some highlights:
Two Fridays ago, I had my mother meltdown moment. At my church moms group, Raffi was crying too much so they called me to take him. (it was only like 30 min into the program.) I felt like the childcare people just gave up on him and the manager said she "needed her caregivers in the room with the kids" not strolling around crying babies. I almost left and cried in the car, but a mom at my table stopped me and told me to just hang around with Raffi. Which turn to be a little difficult because he wanted to run around. Later that day, Raffi deliberately kept doing a no-no, while looking at me. I didn't know that it (disciplining) would start so early. Now when I look back at that day, it doesn't seem that bad. But mentally, I was not in a happy place.

Raffi had his NICU follow-up meeting with a developmental specialist and a social worker. After Raffi got over his shyness he did very well. There was some speech recognition that we are keeping an eye on. But overall he is doing great. The social worker started going on this tangent that at 20lbs he was so underweight that we should start fortifying his milk and feeding him extra butter! After I got off the ceiling, I calmed down, and realized later that our pediatrician thinks he is doing fine and that trying to force extra calories won't translate to weight gain.

We still have been doing the usual music classes, playgroups, and park time. Lots of fun.

Oh and this last Friday, we went to MOPS, the church moms group. I talked with the caregivers and told them to work with him, and not to call me unless he was ill. So Raffi pretty much cried the entire 2 hours, but he was more mad than upset. I just hope at some point he will get over it before his 8th birthday. I know he will, but there is just that fear (with so many things about parenting).

What A Day!

Today, Raffi and I had are first meeting for the MOPS Group. Raffi went to childcare at the church and I went to the group meeting with food, introductions, quick devotional and other such talkings that go along with moms meeting each other for the first time: talking about our kids. I didn't see Raffi cry myself because I slipped out of the room while he was playing. But another mom said he was crying while she was dropping off her crying child. But he and I made it through the 2 hours without any rescuing!

When I picked him up from the "toddlers" room, he was playing with a chair and didn't notice that I was calling his name. But the look on his face was amazing. He was not happy about the situation, he would play(it said), but gosh darnit, he wouldn't like it!

Then we ran over to a birthday party at park in the hills. I nursed him for his lunch and then off we were to his 15 month well baby checkup with the Doc. He is 19 1/2 pounds and 30 inches long. The Doctor gave us the blessing to use our front facing car seat and I think it is time. Raffi's feet easily hit the back seat in front of him. He may not have the weight, but he is a little tall for his current seat. The conversation made me remember Raffi coming home from the hospital at 4 1/2 pounds!
Also at the Doc's, he received the OK for health and all that and as a parting gift received four vaccination shots (including MMR) and had his blood taken to check his iron level. Of course he screamed like a banshee! He fell asleep in the car but I couldn't get him to go back to sleep once we got in the house. So his entire nap amount for the day was around a half an hour. So for all that he was such a trouper!

After all that I had a glass wine at home. So we traversed through some milestones today and I feel good about it. Thanks for praying for us Mom!

Reading

Here is another pic of Raffi at the mall's playarea. It is so convientant while I'm shopping to just let him run around a little. And I like the best part, FREE. I'm enjoying the walking Raffi. It is fun to interact with him and watch him play. Doug misses the baby, but I surprisingly don't that much. I love to watch him walk/run with such joy.

The last two days while Raffi has napped, I have been reading a novel. Usually I'm just surfing the internet mindlessly. Today, I even had a glass of wine with my novel. It just feels great to read and really get engrossed in the book. Oh, and the glass of wine certainly helps. The book is Blue Heart Blessed by Susan Meissner. So far, I'm really liking it.

This week was going to be really busy with classes, playdates and birthday parties, but Raffi got a cold a couple of days ago, so that has put the "cancel" to many of our plans. The cold doesn't seem to severe, he is sleeping ok. I'm clenching my teeth again, so I must be sleeping more.
Here is a picture of the chocolate chip cookies I made last Friday. They came out great!

Quick Entry

Raffi is taking a nap and once he wakes up we will rush out the door to get to our Mama & Movers Yoga class. But I thought I would drop a quick note that I'm feeling a little better this week. Having a Mom's night out, last night, certainly helped. A group of moms at a bar, drinking and laughing and talking about poop, nursing, lack of sleep, etc. Needless to say, there were some bar patrons around us that looked at us a bit strangely. But we all had a blast. I'm already counting down the time till the next one.

One of my fav things about being a mom and Raffi is when he lays his head on my chest when I'm holding him. He usually does it when he is being shy around other people or he is tired. It just gives me such a happy feeling. A close second when he reaches his arms up to be held and he just collapses his arms around my neck. And thirdly, I love to hear his laugh and giggles; most often heard when he is being tickled or playing peekaboo.

Oh, and another thing, If I had a dollar for every time someone says that Raffi is adorable, gorgeous or so cute, we could afford a house in San Francisco!

Vacation Hangover

I hate vacation hangovers. The days after our return, I felt angry, frustrated and frequently took it out on the husband, (sorry honey.) To top it off, Raffi's #7 tooth is coming in, so his moods and sleep are erratic. So it hasn't been the cherriest of days lately.

The vacation is over and that means my return to home is a return to motherhood that at times lately feels like it is choking me out. This month, I would of had ten years of service at my former job if I was still working. And the ongoing political happenings remind me of happy times at work; Traveling carefree, hanging out with the guys, doing a job I thought was important. Of course, my memory glosses over the 12 hours of standing, rarely being home, stress upon stress, and many other hardships that I complained about so frequently while I was working.

So a little nostalgia and the fact that I can't go out after 6pm, because I have to put down Raffi, makes for a little bit of stir crazy Darcy. This too will pass, I know.

Yipee!

All-Points-Bulletin! White Female, approximately 30+ years of age, has escaped her home and her 13 month old son. She was last seen carrying golf clubs. Please approach with caution, she has been attached to her infant for a year. She is considered crazed and possibly delusional. End.

Yes. I had mommy time out! Yeh, thanks Hubbie. This actually wasn't the first time, but really it has been close to the 2nd or 3rd time. And this time I feel like I actually used my time well. I went to the driving range and smacked some golf balls, ate some tacos, ice cream and sat at a coffee shop and mulled over some writing ideas. Raffi did great for his daddy, too. Raffi has been very attached to me, basically since November, so it has made it difficult for me to get away. This was such an answer to prayer. Thank you God.

One of those days...

I had a feeling about today when Raffi dumped about a gallon of water on the carpet. His water tub had water in it from a bath the night before and he was exploring on the floor and before I could think "stop." SPLASH! Raffi was a bit upset over the cold water but he dried off fine, the carpet still hasn't dried out.

I felt like my soul was being dragged down my a Volkswagen.

Then he kept spitting up his breakfast and didn't really seem interested in eating. And he didn't want to go down for a nap. So I packed us up to make a trip to whole foods for grapefruit...$80 later.

For Lunch, Raffi only wanted to eat cheerios which he promptly spit up. I trudged through another spell of "i don't want to take a nap." And finally got him down around 4pm.

And there is my soul, hefting that Volkswagen, up a hill and carrying a cello,..barefoot!

UPDATE: The answer: Teething! One of Raffi's top teeth have broken through the gums and probably what has been causing all the hubbub! It feel relieved to have something to claim.

Happy Blah Day.

Today the refrigerator was fixed, unfortunately the part that needed replacing was only covered for a year. The just don't make things like they used to.

I felt that quiet happy confident semi-productive mom feeling today. It appears at random and strange times. I'm not necessarily a miserable wreck the other times, but tired is the word that comes to mind. I took some more pics of my boy sitting up today. I once had a shirt that said "Here comes trouble." In my case in was an underestimation.

Small measured successes

I feel in general that I'm getting better situated with all this staying at home with a baby thing. While I was pregnant, I had grand plans for all the organizing projects and great meals I would make once I was able to stay home. (Insert hearty laugh here.) The first thing I realized was that I was lucky to go to the bathroom during the day let alone organize pictures or saute chicken with wine sauce.

It has been over six months since Raffi came home from the hospital and Doug went back to work. Just recently, I have felt some measured success in achieving some items on my "To Do" lists and making macaroni and cheese on occasion. I've learned small 20 minute or less increments when Raffi is content to play in his gym, then I can unload the dishwasher.

I've also noticed that it is far easier to go to the mall than to clean the bathroom, but far more expensive. The stroller hikes and mama/baby yoga classes have been a positive activity to get out of the house and connect with other people. Sometimes I get tired, ok most times and I start to whine. Then I think of all my girlfriends who I think almost all have a toddler and a baby, and I am amazed. I don't know how you do it! Two or more of them. oh my.

Overall, I am happy. I love my son and surprisingly (knowing my history, if not that's for another post) I love being his mom. I wouldn't change a thing.

well...maybe I'd have a maid and a bigger house.