One for the Books

I don't know if this was the most humbling moment of my life, but it has to rank pretty high up there. I saw a townhome in our complex up for sale and so checked out how much it was selling for. I already knew we had lost half of our equity the last time I checked, but wasn't prepared for what I saw. We not only lost all of our equity but our now in the hole several tens of thousands. We have been hoping to move in a year or so to get a single family house. This didn't look good; it looked horrible.

I felt the ground drop from under me, even though I was comfortably reclining in my lazyboy with Raffi on my lap. That feeling of weightless panic rose up my body and back down again like a tsunami. Some part of me, I'm not sure if it was my mind, heart or soul said to look to God or we'll all freak out. I prayed right away. It was short and I don't remember it exactly, but it was close to "HELP."

It really shows how much I live my life relying on myself and the constructs of control that I utilize to make myself feel secure.

So I breathed and gave my child a kiss. I now realize we are so blessed that my husband has a stable job, we can afford our house payment, with our tax refund we will pay off our credit card bills and we are learning to live within our means. When I think about these things, I feel like celebrating.

I sometimes wish that God would protect me from all bad things, but I know that is not possible. This world is so broken and I just can't wait for Heaven. I've been singing Amazing Grace to my son recently. I had to look up the lyrics online because I only knew the first verse. I love this part; it reminds me of what is really important and yet to come:

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.